Wednesday, June 6, 2018

This quote is spot on with my recent desire to lessen my time on social media, television, and my weird obsession with word games. Yes, people. I am that nerdy . . . (7 words, crossword puzzles, vocabulary games and grammar games!) I'd like to believe that brain games are more of a treasure, but the truth is that sifting through trash and treasures isn't as clear as I thought it would be. · What if my Grandma sends me a message or makes a comment on FB and I don't see it? I love that woman and always respond to her comments immediately. (Happy 93rd Birthday tomorrow Grandma!🎁) · Is reading the news online considered a type of social media? · What about email? · Is watching the news on the television a treasure or is it trash? (Does TMZ count as news? Kidding.) · Am I "gaming" too much if I make one move per game on Words With Friends once a day? And the comments . . . I have to respond- Right? I realize that some of these examples may seem strange, even a bit silly, but trying to find the right balance is not easy. I'm starting to long for simpler times. · The internet and cell phones were non-existent when I was young. · Email was in its infancy when I was in the mission field so we didn't use it. · Video games entered my world in my early teens but I lost interest after the hype died down. · TV was boring. Cartoons were aired on Saturday morning so my brothers and I watched the one hour segment and then played outside. · See? Simple. I'm beginning to discover that this new balance I'm striving for is going to come down to what feels right. I won't have a perfect balance and I'll probably get caught up in a hearty game of 7 words; however, if I discover that I can survive without reading David Beckham's daily posts on IG, I'll pat myself on the back and give my new balance an 'A' for effort. #trashortreasure #simplicity


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Wednesday, May 2, 2018

"People only see what they are prepared to see."-Ralph Waldo Emerson When I was young and naive and, well, a bratty teenager trying to find my place in the world, I believed that once I had a job and was on my own that everything would be perfect and life would be a piece of cake. I was so wrong. Adulting is hard. Looking at what I thought I knew 10, even 20, years ago compared to what I actually know today is significant. Add another 6-ish years to the knowledge meter and I'm almost embarrassed by the dead air sitting in the middle of the spectrum. 26-ish years ago was my prime. (Prime? The stupidity.) I was driving, dating, and preparing for my adult life. Then I went away to college and apologized every year I was away for everything I had ever said and done that was mean. I had learned that my parents were not the enemy and that graduating from high school was actually the beginning of "life" as I knew it. Fast forward a few years to the mission field and humility kicked in. Jump a few years to college graduation and getting a job and, well, I was not in love with being an adult. Teach 8 years at CHHS. Get Master's Degree. Teach at SLCC. Continue to be poor. Live at home. Have 13 surgeries (from birth to the present). Surgeries don't work. Unable to have kids. Become sicker. Realize that marriage isn't in my future. Get Mia. Lose Mia. Have nervous breakdown. PTSD kicks in. Depression. Anxiety. . . . . ummm, is there a reset button? Anyone? Anyone? Between the twists and turns, I've learned to survive. I've learned that life is hard. I've learned that family is of most importance and that I need the Savior and the gospel. I've learned that loss is my greatest fear, that guilt can consume you and that happiness requires work. I've learned it is okay to cry, to grieve and to walk away and take a break. I've also learned that not dealing with trauma doesn't make it go away; it will eventually consume you. I would not have been ready 27- ish, 20, even 10 years ago for what I know right now. Perfect lives don't exist. Knowledge requires preparation and preparation isn't easy. What I see today is not what I saw yesterday and won't be what I see tomorrow.


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